Escape with me
by neamea99
Summary: Marco is 10th grade. His father becomes violent when his mother dies, seven years ago. All Marco wants is to escape this circle of pain and loneliness that he calls his life. He doesn't have any friends. Until, one day he is forced to sign up for a camp with the strangers that are his classmates, in order to escape from his father at least for a little bit. (Jean x Marco ship)
1. Chapter 1

One blow.

Two blows.

Three blows. And he's on the ground.

Every time, it hurts less than the last one. He barely feels it anymore.

It all started in third grade. A story, not unusual but quite unfortunate. His mother dies. His father starts drinking; becomes violent. Beats him down for good night, wakes him up with a kick. He loses his friends. Doesn't go out of home. His father has plans for his future that include joining the family business, a car mechanic, in this specific case. He wants to escape but there is no where he can go. So he just keeps on existing, hoping that one day, he'll leave and never come back. At school, he gets good grades, dreaming for a scholarship. At home he lies to his father, telling him he gets Ds and occasionally an F. His father is making sure that he gets enough beating up so that the boy knows what he thinks about bad grades. But the son knows better than to tell the truth. Because if his father learns that he's a straight-A-student, the older man will feel threatened, and that will lead to much more than a few bruises.

His father leaves the room having released all his rage on his only living relative. The boy stands up slowly. He brushes off his clothes, just as a habit he goes to the bathroom and does his usual routine: checks his face for any possible bruises (at least the older man had the courtesy of not doing any damage to his face); takes out the first aid kit that is kept full at all times.

He takes a good look of himself in the dirty mirror: his brown eyes are watering a little bit. He isn't really crying, it's the pain doing it, just like when someone plugs a hair from that particular spot that makes your eyes water, like a reflex. The tears fall on his freckled cheeks. He wipes them away.

The boy cleans his cuts and puts a band-aid where it's needed. He goes to his room and does his homework. No dinner for him tonight, his father was in an unusually bad mood, something must have happened at work. Oh, well. No point in dwelling over it. It isn't going to last for much longer anyway.

Turns out he is wrong. The next day his father's mood is no better. The boy tries to stay out of his way as much as he can, but he can't escape dinner.

"Marco, come make me some dinner," his father shouts over from the other room, his voice filled with anger and desperation. _No, not again! _Marco thinks as he enters the kitchen/dining room/living room. His father is sitting in the couch, face buried in his hands. _No mistakes, Marco, you can't afford any mistakes if you want to go to school tomorrow. You have an important test, be careful! _He moves towards the fridge, not saying a word. _Fuck. _It was empty, no food except for some eggs. He was hoping to make something nice, maybe that would've fixed his father's mood. So much for that.

"Father, there's only eggs. Would you like me to go to the store and buy something else?"

"Why didn't you do that earlier? Make eggs now. And hurry the fuck up, I'm starving!"

"Yes, sir," Marco is doing everything he could not to piss his father off. He makes the eggs and starts serving the table, he is moving his plate to the table when his fingers slip and the plate falls down breaking at his feet. _Fuck! Fuck! FUCK! _That's exactly what his father is waiting for to explode. He stands up from the couch and goes to his son. He watches him as the boy tries to fix the mess he's made.

"I'm sorry, father! I'll clean it up. You can sit and eat yours, though!" he's panicking.

"Stand up!"

Marco does so. His father hits him… In the face.

_And fuck again!_

The boy tries his best to hold the impulse to hit his father back. He knows he can't do it. Even if he actually manages to outfight him once, things would get really, really bad after that. So he just crouches on the ground waiting for the blow-storm to stop. When it's over and he goes to check up his face, the damage is beyond concealing. The next day he doesn't have a choice but to skip school. His father understands that much, so he allows him not to go, still, Marco prefers to get out of the house as fast as possible. In such days he goes to work earlier. He works at a car-repair shop, but not at his father's. It's because of the older man, that Marco has to work "to be prepared for the future when you will take over my shop." But the man wouldn't let him work in his own shop, because Marco could screw up something and that would embarrass him. So he lets him choose where he wants to work. The son is grateful for that.

He makes the walk to Erwin's Repair Shop. Erwin's taking a break on a bench in front of the shop. His hands are covered with grease. As he stands up, he brushes them off in his clothes (that happen to be dirtier than the hands) and raises a hand to the boy.

"Hey, Marco," the boy grabs the huge black hand and shakes it hard, "You're early today, and your face looks pretty bad. What happened it?"

"I got in a fight last night. And I didn't really feel like going to school."

"You shouldn't skip school like that," the old man says just so he sounds concerned, otherwise he isn't a strong believer in the whole school idea, being a dropout himself, "but I'm glad that you came. We have a lot of work today," Marco nods and goes inside to change. Erwin is the closest thing to a friend that the boy has. The mechanic asks him questions about school and home and everything, occasionally. Otherwise they mostly work in silence. Marco never tells the truth, so it doesn't matter to him if they talk or not. But still he feels that some day, if things get really messed up, he can tell Erwin everything, and the older man will help him.

They don't talk much for the rest of the day. Marco doesn't feel like communicating with anything but cars, and Erwin has always prefered not to distract himself with chats while working. They do so until the sky becomes that beautiful shade of orange that tells the boy that no matter if he had a good or a bad day, things could only get worse from now on, he has to go home. He stops at the supermarket to buy something for dinner. He gets some meat hoping that a good meal will get his father out of that bad mood.

It doesn't. Same thing repeats tonight. He can't afford himself to skip school again, so the next day he conceals his bruises as much as he can and heads out to school. First class- PE. He changes and goes to sit on the bench outside. He walks alone, he always walks alone; he sits alone; he eats alone. He is alone.

At first it was hard for him. In fourth grade, he often had to hide away so that no one could see him crying. In fifth grade it was all over. No more tears.

At least no one's bugging him or making fun of him at school. They tried once, but he beat them up pretty badly. No one dared to say anything to him again. If his father didn't teach him anything else, he at least showed him how to hit where it hurts.

"Oi, boy, what's up with your face?" that's his PE teacher, Levi. He pretends to be a strong believer of the pain-discipline technique. He always acts so tough and intimidating, using his always terrifying face to compensate for the fact that he is shorter than most six-graders. But Marco knows he isn't really a bad person, he isn't like his father, the boy can tell. Levi will never hurt a student of his if it's not a matter of life or death. The boy actually kind of likes him. Maybe it's because PE is his favourite class. Training his muscles till he collapses always turns out very helpful when he needs to forget the pain of everything else that's happening in his fucked up life. And PE is his best way to achieve that, since he barely has any other time.

"Oh, I fell down the stairs, sir. It's nothing."

"Fell down the stairs, my ass! How do you fall down the stairs and hit your face, you retard? What happened really?"

"I got in a fight outside of school."

"Can you move your legs?" Marco nodded, "Good. You're running two miles today. Warm up and line up on the track."

"Okay."

Levi doesn't let him, or any other student he has PE with, for that matter, to take a break. 'You have PE with me, you do PE, and you do it until you can't lift your ass of the ground," that's Levi's motto. Even the cool kids that usually try to sabotage all classes - especially PE - are participating in Levi's class.

The day passes just as usual. He goes to all his classes. Most of the teachers don't notice his face at all. How can they? He sits in the back of the room, not talking to anyone, not moving more than to get from one classroom to another. He is pretty much invisible. Teachers used to ask him questions in class, make him participate more, but they soon gave up. It's too much work making him talk and he is getting good grades on all tests and projects anyway.

At the end of the day, there is a message explaining all the details around the camp they are going to have. Pretty much every kid in the school is excited about it, except for Marco, he isn't going. His father doesn't have the money to pay and his own savings aren't an option, he needs them for his future escape. Camp is stupid, anyway, what is he going to do there with all those strangers that probably don't even know his name.


	2. Chapter 2

By the end of the week, the camp with all those strangers who probably don't even know his name sounds like paradise to him. His father is getting worse and worse. His face doesn't get much more damage, thank God! He wishes he could say that his body is doing that well too, but that would be a lie. The man gets more and more drunk with every night that passes, something that the boy didn't think is possible. And one night he almost strangles his son consumed by unexplainable rage. Marco is afraid that if he doesn't get away, his father might kill him. So he makes himself spend some of his precious savings on the camp. He is just worried that the man will be furious when he finds out.

To his surprise, his father takes the news about Marco going really well. He actually seems kind of glad for his son, or maybe he just wants the boy to get out of his sight. No matter, it all goes amazingly smoothly and before he knows it, Marco finds himself on a camp, away from any kind of civilization, surrounded by people that mean less than nothing to him.

The teachers: Mr Pixis; Ms Hange and Levi, somehow get the idea that those tenth graders can't be trusted with the responsible task of choosing their own roommates, so they choose who is sharing a room with whom.

That's how Marco ends up in a room with Jean. Jean is one of those cool kids who are not overly cocky, but just enough so that all other people in the school feel that it's impossible for them to become friends, without actually saying it out loud. Marco is pretty sure that Jean won't pay any attention to him, which is exactly what he wants. His plan is to stay in the room, read his book, and go out only if he has to.

After the teachers announce the rooms, Jean and Marco head to theirs.

"Hi," Marco starts a conversation to kill the awkward silence that has never bothered him so much before, "I'm sorry you're stuck in a room with me. I know that you'd prefer anyone else. But I won't stay in your way, so if you want to invite your friends over whenever, I'll go out or something," that's all the boy can pull of. He is sorry, he knows very well what his classmates think about him… if they do at all.

Jean is looking at that boy that must be the quietest person he's ever met, trying to figure out how he is supposed to respond to the first and only thing he's heard this guy saying, "Ah, no, it's fine, man," this sounds like a good enough answer. "Err, it's Marco, right?"

"Yes," Marco nods while opening the door to the room. The boys enter. They look around. It's a tiny room and its space is mostly taken up by two old, and quite dirty-looking beds, "Which bed do you want. They both seem like they're from the dinosaur era," Jean chuckles to show his appreciation for the attempt of a joke.

That terrible joke that Marco makes just now, makes Jean lower the level of weirdness that he had originally put on the boy a long time ago. Jean and his friends don't usually pay any attention to the boy, but there was a time when someone mentioned him in a conversation and everyone was trying to invent the most authentic story of his live. The one story they stopped on was that his parents are very strict about school and make him study so hard that he never has time for anything else and that he has also forgotten how to communicate with people under all pressure. They were quite far away from the truth.

"You take the one next to the window, I the other one. OK?"

"Yeah, that's fine," says Marco, throwing his stuff on his bed and following them after that. He lies down to find out how much exactly that bed is uncomfortable. And he almost makes the mattress fall of whatever magic is holding it when jumping. Seeing the other boy's concerned face, Jean can't help but laugh. Marco follows his example, and that moment right there, is the happiest Marco has ever been in the past two or three years.

It all ends pretty quickly, though. Jean leaves his stuff and goes to see his friends. Marco unpacks and then buries his face in of the ten books he's brought for those five days. He can't focus on what's written, though. Because for the first time in years he has something exciting, connected to his own life - not a fictional character's - to think about. He knows that it's nothing, that it is stupid of him to put so much meaning into a single conversation. But, still he is feeling hopeful. He can't remember the reason why he lost all his friends seven years ago, but now he has the feeling that he can make some new ones.

That doesn't mean that he expects that anything else is going to happen from now on. Those emotions he feels, they are just emotions, and his thoughts barely ever agree with his emotions, just like they don't now. He has never let his feelings make him delusional, and he isn't going to do it now. He is very well aware that the tiniest conversation can't change a thing. It's just that childish side of him talking, making him happy and hopeful.

The mature side of him turns out to be right. Two days past and Marco doesn't even see Jean, let alone, talk to him. He always comes back late at night, thinking that Marco's asleep. The other boy never is, though, and he can't help but notice how extremely hot Jean is without a T-shirt.

Marco has kind of known that he is gay for quite a while. He tries to deny thoughts as that last one, but he can't always control himself. And Jean _is_ extremely hot with that almost completely shaped 8-pack and that muscular back… and that haircut… and that horse-like face that Marco finds a little too attractive...

The second night, as Marco is trying his best not to look at Jean's half-naked body, not succeeding at all, Jean notices, "Hey, Marco, you awake."

_Shit!_

"Ah, yeah."

"Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, but it's fine. Are you going to bed now." _Was it too inappropriate to ask a question like that._ Marco has completely lost his sense of right communication now.

"Not really, I'm gonna pretend I'm sleeping for a while. Until the check (Levi's idea) is over. It's such a drag… And then I'm gonna go back to Eren's room," he makes a small pause, like he's deciding on something, "you wanna come with me?"

"No, I don't wanna bother you. Plus, probably none of your friends wants to even talk with me, or invite me to their room,"

"Oh, come on, I'm sure they'll be glad to meet you. And also, when's the last time you've gone out of this room?"

Fair enough.

Levi does his check, they wait for fifteen minutes, until they're sure that no one is going to come in again, and then they're off. Eren's room is on the second floor and they have to be really sneaky while going upstairs. It's no trouble for Marco, who has a lot practice from those nights that it was crucial not to make his presence noticeable. Jean, on the other hand, seems to have a problem with the quiet part because he is stamping his feet like a bear, in his attempt to look like a ninja. Marco snorts quietly at how ridiculous Jean looks, "Didn't you say we have to be quiet," he asks sarcastically.

"Yes, I did," Jean answers with slight jealousy in his voice, "How the fuck are _you_ so quiet?"

Marco begins to answer but then he gets a hold of himself and just shrugs, "Dunno… I'm probably a natural," he says with a smile raising on his face at the sight of an obviously impressed Jean. He probably didn't think that the other boy can make proper jokes.

They get to Eren's room without any teacher troubles. The room is two times bigger than Jean and Marco's. Armin and Mikasa are already there and so is Annie, who is Eren's roommate. _Well, that will be awkward,_ is the only thing thatflashes through Marco's mind as he notices the way all Jean's friends look at him. He mumbles a "hi" and sits on the closest bed while playing with his fingers. Eren exchanges a quick look with Jean and when he nods showing that he knows what he's doing, Eren goes into action.

"Hey, you're Marco, right," the brunette says as he approaches the newcomer, "you're the one who always sits in the back of the room and never talks to anyone?"

"Ah, yeah…" Marco doesn't know how to take the just said.

"Cool. You wanna play poker with us," says Eren with a devilish smile, holding the card deck up.

"Oh …I can't. I didn't bring any money."

"That's fine. Neither did we," the boy indicates at his friends, "we play strip poker. It's much cheaper, wouldn't you say. It's fine if you don't feel like playing, though. You can just hang around here while we play."

"No, I'll play."

"Okay, but once you're in, you're in until the game is over. No backing up."

"Great. I'm in," says Marco completely ignoring the fact that his body is covered with scars and bruises that he cannot allow anyone to see. And once he realizes that, it's too late.

Luckily for him, Marco turns out pretty good at poker. Unlike his roommate, who has only his boxers on after the first bet is over.

The freckled boy can't help but blush at the fact that he is standing in a room with the almost completely naked boy whom he likes more than as a friend. He is trying his best to hide his cheeks, that are a shade of red people don't usually see on other human beings, hoping that nobody has noticed (they all have, but keep silent about it).

After the first game, though, things stop working so well for Marco. He starts losing more and more of his clothing until it gets to the shirt. Now he is completely freaking out. What will he do if he doesn't win the next hand? Armin, who seems like quite the nice guy, probably reads the anxiety on the boy's face, so he decides to ask _the _question, thinking that it might help Marco feel more comfortable, "So, guys, who would you say, is the hottest person in the whole camp?"

Everybody, except the newbie in the band, answers in union. What is the most easily made out from the noise that they create is Eren, saying "Levi".

"What, man! Levi?" Annie who has been quiet for most of the time asks, "Since when is beeing short and grumpy hot?"

"Well, you are short and grumpy, and you're not so bad yourself," says a red Eren in a desperate attempt to defend himself, not realizing what he is actually saying.

Annie seems to not like what her roommate has said at all. She is thinking of a plan to murder Eren, while giving him the you-are-a-dead-man-walking stare. The dead man walking knows that he needs to do something if he wants to prolong his precious life a bit, "You wanna go back to the game?"

"Yeah," they all respond setting the beginning of what can be Marco's doom. And the universe obviously isn't a fan of Marco's, because before he knows it, everyone is cheering "Take it off, take it off," and Marco now has to take his shirt off. Until someone knocks on the door.

It turns out that the universe is only playing with the worried boy, because before he has the time to make the decision of showing everything he's ever tried to hide to people he just talked to for the first time now, the voices of three mad teachers are heard.

"Open the door," says a voice that seems belong to Mr. Pixis.

Without even a word being said in the room. All the people who are not supposed to be there put their clothes on as fast as they can, and hide wherever they find. While Eren and Annie turn the lights off and go to their beds. Then they remember that someone has to open the door, so Annie jumps up and does so. All three teacher that came to the camp with the students are standing there, looking quite frustrated.

"What were you doing in there?" asks Mr. Pixis, looking pretty annoyed by the fact that his booze has been interrupted.

"Ah, nothing, sir," answers Annie, yawning, "we were just sleeping."

At the sound of that Levi pushes the girl away from the door and goes inside. He turns the lights on and immediately sees the three extra people in the room.

"What were, you guys doing?" asks Hanji now, but her questions seems to be out of pure curiosity. No one moves.

"Come on, you can show up, now. And then, you can find your way to the yard, I trust," says Levi giving everyone his most fearful stare. He is probably the only teacher who has actually been sleeping before the noise of people cheering had woke him up.

He makes the kids sprint around the yard, then do push-ups and what not. They never go out after the curfew for the rest of the camp. But Marco still hangs around with Jean and his friends. And by the end of the camp, he is surprised to realize that he doesn't want to leave and not only because his father is waiting for him at home.


	3. Chapter 3

Marco gets back home on Saturday afternoon happy to find his father sober. He goes to leave his stuff, saying "hi" on the way to his room. The man doesn't answer to the greeting. A warning sign is raised high in the boy's head, but nothing happens. Maybe it's just a false alarm, maybe Marco just hasn't heard the answer.

Whatever it is, the boy stays alert and tries not to make any wrong moves for the rest of the day. He fixes the mess that is their home and after making sure there isn't anything else to be taken care of, goes to his room. He lays on his bed, thinking and over-thinking everything that happened on the camp. The burning question of whether something in his life is going to change or not is refusing to let his mind rest. He needs to know if Jean, Eren, Mikasa and Armin are still going to hang out with him or leave him, because everything is different when you go back to school.

Marco's rationality (plus a touch of his lack of self esteem) leans more towards a "no" on this question. But the boy doesn't want a "no". He wants a "yes". He needs a "yes". Because a "yes" means living, it means happiness and it means partial escape. While a "no", a "no" means back to same grey, dull existence, or even to the rotten existence of a corpse.

Marco has thought about the second type of existence quite a lot in his life, especially at that time, two years ago, when he couldn't see a way out. He is over that period now, but at that time he was consumed by the thought of suicide. He would think about it throughout the whole day and especially through the night. With that thought consuming him more and more with every day that passes, he eventually got over his main reason for living, which was (and still is) that he can't leave his father in like that. No matter what this man does to him, Marco's nature wouldn't allow him to hurt anyone even close as much to what his father does. But two years ago, he stopped thinking that his father would even notice if he died. That's when he was completely ready to die, no purpose in him just consuming Earth's resources, he thought. He had even chosen a day in which he was going to finally end it. He never expected that his plans would be disrupted as the school chancellor entered his math class on the day before he was to do it. She had come in to talk about moving up to high school, but, of course, she mostly spoke about college. She presented it as the place of their dreams where everybody's happy. She also touched on the subject of scholarships. Most kids weren't listening at all, they knew about all those stuff and that they were exaggerated. But Marco was interested - that could be his exit ticket.

After the class he went to the chancellor and asked her more about college. He asked her how exactly it is that people earn scholarships, since there was no way he could get the money for a good education. She told him that it is possible to get a scholarship in every university if he was exceptionally smart. That, no matter how stupid may sound to many, was his sole reason for not killing himself on the following day.

Marco returns to the present as he notices that it's getting dark. Dinner has to be coked. He goes to the fridge and to his surprise, it is full. Having such a big choice of meals he can prepare, he decides to ask the elder what to cook, "Father, what would you like…"

"Where were you?" the man cuts him in the middle of his question, voice still and emotionless, "You were gone for five days! Five goddamn days!" his voice cracks this time.

"I told you. I was on a camp. With my class. I told you about it the night before I left. You said I can go. Don't you remember?" Marco's trying to keep his cool. _How can he not remember, was he that wasted?!_

"On a camp?" the boy nods, "With your class?"

"Yes," Marco's remaining calm.

The man takes his time to process everything, from the way his expression changes, Marco guesses that he has remembered, "I was worried… I thought you've left me," says his father with his usual stiffness.

"No, dad, I haven't," the boy can't remember the last time he's called his father "dad", that last sentence completely shocked him, "I wouldn't leave you just like that!"

The elder lets his son's words sink in for a while and then proceeds to his normal business, "Good. That's good," he says, slowly leaving the kitchen, "I ate already, just bring me the vodka."

The boy does so. The thought of what his father has just said is racing through his mind. _He was worried?! He was even sober! _A sudden feeling of guilt overwhelms him for wanting to leave the man. His father isn't a bad person. He is just sad and desperate. He still hasn't gotten over the death of his wife and Marco wants to leave him - all alone. He won't be able to survive the loss of his last family. _I'm so selfish, _the boy blames himself. On the rare occasions that such thoughts get to his head, he always forgets about all the pain and suffering that this fragile-looking man has caused him and with that comes a feeling of strong depression. The fact that achieving his only goal in life would mean hurting his only family is making him reconsider his life. Again, he is left with no purpose, except for living for a person that hasn't shown any kindness to him for as long as he could remember.

Those feelings don't stick around for too long, though. The next night his father is as drunk and violent as usual. Marco regains his normal level of depression. And the cycle continues.

School starts again on Monday, Marco gets up early in the morning and takes forever to get ready, subconsciously trying to postpone going to school as much as he can. Today is the day that he is going to get his "yes" or "no" and he can't help but be afraid of all the things a "no" can do to him. He can't be late for school though, so he has to leave at some point, no matter how much he dreads the day ahead.

He arrives at the last minute and doesn't get to see any of the people he had befriended on the camp. So far, so good, he has more time to prepare himself for the possible rejection that is to come. The boy has all the time till lunch to get it all straight with himself. When he sees the group then, everything is just as he expected. Jean and his friends are all on the cool kids' table and there is no way that Marco can make himself sit with them or greet them, at least.

Maybe he's being a little too dramatic, but the fact they didn't remember him at all gives him a good enough answer. Of course, they wouldn't remember about him when they are back home. Why would they? Everything changes back at school when things get back to normal..

Marco doesn't feel stupid for having hope, though. He knows himself well enough to understand that hope is something that he has always desperately needed and that's why he even considered the idea of them keep wanting to be his friends (if you can call tagging along with some people for three days "friends", although they did have some fun together). He also knows that the only reason why they've started communicating with him in the first place, was because they pitied him. _I guess I have my answer. _Marco sits at his usual table with a view to Jean and the cool kids. All of them are there, not paying attention to anything else but themselves, they are absorbed in their own conversations. Like they are in their own universe, and that is just a hologram, and no one can ever reach them.

Marco stares down at his lunch trying his best to not fall apart, to convince himself that he can keep on going the way he has for the last seven years. That he doesn't need anyone but himself. He is on the verge of crying for the first time since fifth grade when he feels the presence of another person coming from the other side of the table. He looks up to see Jean, "Can I sit here?" he asks. Marco nods, not trusting his voice.

"Why are you sitting alone, Marco," Jean's asks with warmth in his voice, the usual note of mockery in his tone every time he's around his friends - gone.

"Er, I... there wasn't any space on your table, so I just sat here."

"Do you wanna go sit there now? They can make some space for us?" Jean knows that Marco had been too insecure to sit with them. From the three days he has known him, it was pretty obvious that Marco is too insecure about a lot of things.

"Are you sure it's okay? 'Cuz there are some seniors there and I don't think they will want me on their table."

"Marco, we aren't like that," he was referring to his group of friends, "and neither are the seniors. I don't know why you think that we are so full of ourselves that we wouldn't want you around us," Jean is getting quite frustrated by what Marco thinks of him and his friends and he is determined to show him what they are really like, "They're cool, you'll see."

"I don't really feel like going there," to be honest, Marco doesn't like the idea of being in a big loud crowd right now. He would much more prefer to be only with Jean, and surprisingly that's just what happens.

"OK, then. You don't mind if I will sit here?"

"No, of course not."

They sit in silence for a while and then Jean speaks up, "So, what do you usually do when you're not at school or doing homework?" he asks fiddling with his fork.

"I work at a car-repair shop and I spend most of my time there," says Marco, wondering if that will still be his answer after some time. He would really like it if maybe when someone asks him what he's doing in his spare time he can say, 'I hang out with my friends, we destroy buildings and stuff'. He shakes off his childish dreams.

"Really? I can't imagine you fixing cars, covered with grease and walking around with those wrenches and all," Jean says trying really hard to visualize that, "Is that what you want to do for living?"

Marco has thought about that a lot. He probably could be a mechanic for the rest of his life, but not if his father is around, "No, not really. What about you?"

The lightest shade of red appears on the other boy's cheeks at the question. He considers it a little and then answers, "You might laugh at me… but I want to be an artist," says Jean shyly, giving Marco the feeling that he is one of the little people who has been told that.

"Why would I laugh at that, it's so cool!"

"Well, 'cuz it's stupid. Boys don't normally want to do stuff like that. Plus my parents want me to work something serious and secure, like a lawyer or something."

"Are you good at it? Good at drawing, I mean," the freckled boy is definitely interested.

"I don't suck. But I really just love drawing. It calms me, helps me think and I feel like I can express myself ," Marco is nodding understandingly, "Did I just say 'express myself'?!" Jean says and the mocking note is back in his voice.

"Yes," answers the other boy through a smirk.

"What's wrong with me? Marco, you're definitely not good influence." Both boys laugh, as they stand up to leave their trays. Just before they separate Jean gets serious again, "But, seriously, man, thanks for not laughing at me. You're the only person that knows about that and hasn't laughed at me for it."

"I didn't laugh, because there is nothing to laugh at, Jean," responds the freckled boy and a smile rises on his friend's face.

"Maybe one day you can come see some of my drawings," says the artist-to-be and leaves.

It's a "yes".


	4. Chapter 4

Marco continues to hang out with Jean for the rest of the week. Although transferring to the 'cool kids' table takes him a couple more days of convincing. When he's finally convinced, though, everything goes unexpectedly smoothly. He meets four more people: Reiner, Bertold, Ymir and Christa, and they look nice. The boys and Ymir seem pretty indifferent to whatever it is that's happening around them, as they barely lift their heads to look at him, while Christa just jumps to hug him, before he's even got the chance to say hi. But he's comfortable with all that and he's surprised to see how easy it is for him to fit in.

After he does, everything changes. He never seats alone anymore. Not during lunch. Not in class. Not anywhere. He always has this wide smile on his face that nobody has ever seen before. Even his teachers seem surprised. Most of them not exactly in the positive way - there are quite a lot of stories going on about the 'cool kids' and even he's heard some of them, they all involved certain substances. But true or not, he doesn't care.

He's afraid to admit it, but he's happy and he feels that, besides the obvious (him not being so alone all the time), there is something more to it. And it's not like his problem at home has disappeared, quite on the contrary actually. He still has nobody to share it with, and he knows that sharing will help. He's just the sharing type. Although he isn't used to talking about his problems (or at all), sometimes he just feels like he's going to explode if he doesn't tell anyone what he feels, so he ends up talking to himself or writing it all down. Giving voice to his thoughts always helps, even if a little bit.

It takes him some time, but he finally realizes what is that other thing that makes him so happy, the main thing that makes him happy, actually. It's Jean. More specifically it's the way he talks - so simple, like everything is one big fat joke. He's so convincing that at some point, while listening to him, you actually start to feel like it's really all just a joke. And Marco needs that. He needs it desperately because it's a distraction, it makes him forget.

He's been searching for a distraction ever since his mother died and he's never been able to quite find one. Books work partially. But even as he's living the excitements of some fictional character, he still has that nagging feeling at the back of his head that wouldn't let him forget that this is not his life and that when he closes the book, he'll come back to the painful reality. But that feeling disappears every time he's with Jean and that's why he wants, no, he needs, to spend more time with him.

And it's not only Jean that he wants to spend the time with. He's become pretty close with everyone else, too. They also like him quite a lot - his friendly and kind personality has earned him everyone's love from the beginning. He wants to see them more often, too, so he decides to ask Erwin to have a day off.

When he does, the man is happy to give him a free day of the week. Since Marco has never asked him for anything before and since he often does more work than Erwin himself, it's only natural that he gives him that time of the week for rest. The mechanic is also very glad about the fact that his colleague/apprentice has finally found some reason to skip work for.

Like that, Marco gets a day of the week that he can spend in hanging out with his friends and he couldn't be happier. The only problem is that the more time he spends with Jean, the more he starts to like him. Marco finds himself having a crush on his friend, but for now, he's fine with it. If it's just a crush, there's no need for Jean to know. It will pass and then everything is going to be alright.

He truly believes that until one day, Jean takes him to show him his drawings...

Marco's been wanting to see his friend's art for a long time, even though he hasn't pressured Jean to show him. They are obviously something important to him, and that's actually the main reason why Marco wants to see them so badly, but Jean isn't so willing. When he finally decides that he's ready, though, the freckled is dying with excitement.

They go to Jean's house after school one day. As Marco enters the room, he kind of have this image in his head - that the walls of the room would be covered with art, but instead there are just some band posters on there and that confuses him. _So he really doesn't show his art to anybody, ha? _Suddenly Marco's feeling very flattered to have been given the opportunity to see something about Jean that not many others (if any at all) have seen.

"Sit somewhere, I'll just take them out." Jean is too nervous about all this to wait any longer. This is a big thing for him, and he just wants to do it, before he changes his mind. He reaches under his bed and takes out two big cardboard boxes, one of them used to belong to a computer, the other one to a printer. The artist takes a deep breath and opens the boxes. He then steps out of the way and lets Marco look at whatever he wants, not sure if he wants to stay and wait for a reaction, or leave him to it. In the end, he chooses to stay.

Marco starts with the first box, taking out painting by painting. In the beginning there all types of different styles. It's like he was experimenting to see what style he likes the most. He also has different types of art - portraits, landscapes, something that is probably considered modern art. They are pretty nice and all a big part of Jean, but they aren't nearly as great as the the paintings in the second box. When Jean was drawing these ones, he had already found his style, and it was wonderful.

When Marco is already through with half of the second box, he notices the way Jean sitting on the bed nervously waiting for the person looking through his most precious thing in life to finish. Right there Marco realizes that all the things he'd been looking through are Jean. They are him in a light that he doesn't show anyone, not even his friends. They are him behind the mask of jokes and sarcasm that he wears for protection. They are beautiful. And Marco's in love with them.

"Well... What do you think?" Asks Jean timidly.

"It's amazing…" answers Marco too afraid to look at Jean right now. He is in love, and he's been for quite a while, it just took him time to realize it. And now he's frightened. He was OK with having a crush on Jean because he knew it was going to pass at some point. But in love, in love is big. It doesn't just pass like that. At least that what he's read…

"Thanks." Jean's response brings him back to the room and to his task of convincing his friend that his art is actually very good. Marco's never seen Jean so insecure before - being insecure is usually his job - but now he needs to do the same thing that Jean's been doing since they've met.

"Have you shown these to anybody else?"

"No, not really. I don't really like showing things to people." _But you showed them to me! _Marco gets that red color on his cheeks again. Some are starting to wonder if it could stay permanently on there from so much blushing. It's definitely a state people have used to seeing him in.

"Why show them to me then?"

"I don't know. I said I will, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but you could've just not showed me if you didn't want to." Marco takes the job of the insecure one yet again!

"Who said I didn't want to show them to you. You're the only person that doesn't think that I'm stupid or childish for wanting to be an artist so it's pretty damn likely for you to be the only person who sees my actual work."

"I guess that makes sense," Marco turns his attention back to the paintings, "They are truly incredible."

"You think so?"

"Yeah... Maybe if you show them to your parents they'll understand why you want to be what you want to be?"

"Small chance."

Marco stops pushing the topic, he has no idea what Jean's relations with his parents are, so he has no right to go any further if Jean doesn't want to tell him himself.

"My parents and I, we aren't really close. We barely ever talk to each other... They don't know me, and they won't understand it."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Marco lets that conversation only go that far, "Do you know what time it is?"

"It's… six thirty. Why? Do you have something to do tonight? 'Cuz we can have dinner at my place if you want to."

"I'm sorry, I can't, we're gonna have guests coming over and I have to go."

Marco is getting used to lying now 'Where did you get that bruise on you hand from, it's huge!?' / 'Oh… Er… I hit my hand on a table.' People are starting to think that he's too clumsy to make two steps without injuring himself.

"Oh, OK. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah, bye."

On the way back home the only thing that Marco can think about is Jean and everytime he does, a butterfly storm starts in his belly. And after that, he wants to go and bury himself somewhere. There is no way that anything can happen between Jean and him and that thought hurts. _Well, at least you can be friends. That's more than you've had till recently. _His inner voice is right, but it doesn't do much to numb the pain, or the butterflies.

Those feelings don't leave him for the rest of the week and by Friday, Marco feels like he's going to explode from emotions. He tries to figure out some way that he can set them all free before it's too late. After wondering for about a minute he gets to the answers that's always been inside his head, but was just too afraid to show because It knows that It is not a good idea. But when he finally shows up, It says that sharing with someone might help. Marco knows that It is his only choice of some kind of relief, so he tries to think of someone that might actually understand him. His father is not an option. Maybe Armin, he seems like a good choice? No, they're not really that close, plus he's not going to see him till Monday. The only person he knows well enough and that he's seeing in the next couple of days is Erwin. And Erwin it is.

On Sunday morning Marco is determined to tell Erwin what's on his mind. Despite his determination, he's extremely worried about it. After all, he is going to tell him that he's gay along with everything else and that is pretty important. What if Erwin doesn't like gay people, or even worse, what if he's homophobic. Marco doubts that but still, there's a chance that he is. _I'm soon gonna know for sure, _thinks the boy as he enters Erwin's shop. Erwin has just opened and Marco decides that now's the best moment.

"Hey, Erwin."

"Hey, Marco. What's up?"

"Um, can I talk to you about something… it's personal?" Marco bites his lip, that is going to be hard.

"Yeah, sure. What is it?" Erwin looks around the shop for a place to sit, "Wanna come to my office?"

"Mhm" Marco nods and they head to the office.

"So what is it?" Asks the mechanic after they've both sat comfortably.

The boy starts fidgeting with his fingers, trying to find the right words. He's rehearsed what he's going to say at least a hundred times but it is all gone now, "I'm gay," he spits the words out before he can stop them. After that, he immediately raises his head to see Erwin's reaction.

The man looks surprised, but that's all. There is no sign of any kind of disapproval in his eyes and Marco relaxes a bit.

Erwin keeps his silence for some time, trying to figure out what to say. In the end he just goes with an "okay", but there is this warm smile on his face that clearly shows that he is really completely okay with that. After the silence lingers for too long and Marco interrupts, "So you're fine with it?"

"Yeah, of course! Why wouldn't I be. I just have the feeling that that's not all you want to tell me."

"It isn't… I've got this friend, his name is not really important…" Marco takes a breath, "So my friend, he's really nice and I like him very much..." by the way he says 'like him very much' it's clear that this isn't about liking, "And he's also straight." Marco adds that last part really quickly, but Erwin hears it well.

"How do you know he is."

"He's had quite a lot of girlfriends and there isn't a person in school that doesn't know what they've done." Suddenly Marco feels sick.

"He might be bi, you never know!" Erwin's desperately trying to cheer him up.

"Yeah, maybe…" He has been clinging on that last hope for quite a long time now, but it's highly unlikely.

"Have you told…" There is knock on the door and the whole conversation is interrupted. But Erwin seems to understand how much Marco needs to talk about it, so he asks him about Jean for the rest of work.

In the end of the day the boy is feeling so much better than before. Not only did he get to release some of the emotions that had been suffocating him for a week now, but he came out to the person whose reaction matters to him the most, and he was accepted. It felt great. Like a heavy burden has finally fell off his shoulders. Well, at least half of it has. He has no intentions to tell his father he's gay, because he has a very good idea of what's going to follow if he does, and it's something he wouldn't like in the least. So there isn't really any way that that second half can fall of his shoulders too and, for now, he's fine with it.

Just as Marco's coming to that conclusion, he enters his house. It's already dark outside, and there aren't any lights on in the house, so he thinks that his father hasn't come home yet. But he is wrong.

The man is waiting for his son in Marco's bedroom. The boy is immediately alarmed. His father never goes to his room. What is he doing there now? He freezes on spot, unable to move his body. The man turns around and faces Marco. He raises his head and looks into his son's eyes, only to show a look filled with disgust.


	5. Chapter 5

"Is it true?" His father asks just loud enough for Marco to hear him. He needs to make sure that what he've heard is true. The man has these moments when his old, more sensitive self shows up, his self from before his wife died.

"Is what true, father?" The boy knows very well what his father is talking about, he just can't believe it. How had he learnt? Did Erwin tell him? No, Erwin couldn't have. He wouldn't do something like that… right?

"What Mike told me, you were talking to Erwin about another boy… you aren't…" The old man decides to let his face speak the last word and his expression is in no way close to what Marco might, in his bravest dreams, hope to see.

But it doesn't matter. When he hears that Erwin hadn't betrayed him, he is relieved and with the relief comes a sudden surge of bravery. Nothing matters anymore "What?! I'm not gay? Well, sorry to disappoint you, father: the last person you have left on this world is your own _gay_ son." Marco has no idea what's happening to him. He is never like that. He never fights back. Where has all this rage come from?

The other man is even more startled. For a second his disgusted glare is replaced by pure shock, but that doesn't last and when the disgust has returned, there is so much more in his eyes. Even maybe a glimpse of pain...

Well, if Marco has caused him pain, he will cause him more, "Don't you _dare _speak to me like that," yells the old man while landing a blow on the boy's jaw, "My son is not gay!"

Marco's whole body is racked with pain. Why does it hurt? It isn't supposed to hurt. It stopped hurting years ago, now it's supposed to just be unpleasant. Is it because of the words the man said. No, it can't be from them. Marco knew from the beginning that that's what he is going to hear if his father ever learnt about his sexuality, plus denial isn't exactly the worst and yet…

"You're not gay, you understand! You are not gay! And you are never gonna touch a boy in your life. Actually, you're gonna find a girlfriend right away, you hear me!" This whole scene is just a mess of shouting, punches going left and right and the heavy smell of booze. Marco wishes he could scream 'You can't tell me what to do,' or something, whatever! But he can't find the strenght for that. His legs finally betray him, and he crumbles to the ground, sliding his back on the wall that his father had him pushed to.

It doesn't matter if he's standing or lying anyways, it hurts as much both ways. Except that the boy feels like when he falls he's giving up, like lets his father control him again, but he isn't willing to give up this time. It's not like he could do anything to change himself, giving up this time means that he has to pretend but he's not going to do no such thing.

The man steps back to take his bottle from the other side of the room, leaving the boy leaning on the wall. That's about the point that the 'father' starts to doubt and feel regret. Seizing the momentary weakness, Marco tries to straighten up and says the words that are to be his last effort in this whole fight, "I can't change, dad… and I won't."

At that the man snaps and throws the bottle of some cheap alcohol at his son's direction. The bottle crashes above Marco's head, shattered glass flies everywhere. The boy raises his hands to cover up his face, resulting in pieces of glass cutting his whole hands.

The man goes to his son and pulls him by his shirt so that the boy looks him in the eye "I did not raise a gay son!" he says and lets go of Marco. The boy can hear the front door crashing behind him. He doesn't even flinch at the sound. He's looking directly in front of him, not seeing anything. For a while his mind is just a mess, he can't form a single coherent thought. But that's fine, because he doesn't feel the pain either. His numbness doesn't last for too much though, as the pain starts to make it's way in his stormy mind.

Marco makes an attempt of standing up, but his body does not like the idea, so he just manages to straighten up a bit. It's not like there's any particular reason for him to stand up. There's nowhere he can go...

It hurts so much, though. Why does he care enough for it to hurt. There's no doubt he loves his father, no matter what the man does to him, but he thought that he'd at least learnt how not to care about the things the old man says. He thought he'd learnt to ignore them, plus he knew what he was going to say from the beginning, that should've made it easier. Well, obviously it didn't. And obviously his father still has the power to hurt him. His father…

What would he do now, actually? Would he forbid him from going out? Would he make him switch schools? Could he do something like that? No matter what he would do, Marco knows for sure that he's never going to get to see his friends again, not if it's up to his father.

The moment that realization hits him he starts to feel the desperation crawling through his skin, just like that time in eight grade. What purpose is there in everything he's doing? His live used to be supported only by the dream of escape, but since he met Jean and the others there have been more things that make him want to keep on living. And because of that he finally had the courage to admit to himself that he could never escape. He knew that from the very beginning, it's just that he always denied the thought, at least until more hope came into his life in the face of Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Annie and Jean on that night during camp.

_What am I gonna do now? I can't go back to living like before! _Marco looks at his hands. There are pieces of glass stuck in them. _All I have to do is slide this one piece down my hand. _He touches a piece stuck right next to his vein gently, but he doesn't dare move it. He stands like that for about thirty minutes contemplating whether or not he should do it. In the end he just removes his hand in frustration. He can't do it. _Fuck! _Marco stands up slowly, using the wall for support. Doing this, he notes that it's not only his hands that got hurt when his father threw the bottle at him. Oh well, one or two more cuts don't make that much of a difference, do they.

He goes to his bed, refusing to complete his usual routine. Maybe if he stays like that for long enough, he will die on his own. The man isn't going to come home before it is too late, that he knows. The only thing he has to do is not move from his bed for three, maybe four days. Yeah, that's what he's going to do!

….

Marco has been working on his plan for the whole night and most through the day when he hears the bell ring. He decides that it's probably a friend of his father's, so he doesn't answer. The boy has no idea where the man is or when he's coming home (although he sure knows what he's doing and that he intends on doing it for a long time - he always disappears after a bigger fight, and what happened was more than big).

The bell stops ringing and Marco thinks that whoever it was at the door, has given up. He doesn't expect to hear Jean calling his name from the door, neither does he expect him to walk in the room with eyes filled with worry.

"Marco! What happened?" Jean asks as he sees the condition in which his friend is.

"Jean?!" the freckled boy can't believe his eyes. Jean is here? How is here? He couldn't have come just because he was worried, could he, "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't come to school and you weren't answering your phone, we were worried…" _So he really was worried about me!? And it wasn't only him! _Marco wonders if he's dreaming, "What happened, Marco?" There is anger flashing in those light brown eyes making them a shade darker.

"How do you know where I live?" Marco can't focus enough to answer Jean's questions, but that doesn't stop him from shooting his own.

After seeing that he won't get an answer, Jean responds to the boy with frustration, "Christa and Ymir were on a date somewhere close by one day and they saw you going in the house. You went in before they could say hi… Now answer my question! What the hell happened to you!"

Marco hides his face, as if not looking at his friend will be an answer enough. Jean steps closer to have a look at the freckled, "Talk to me, Marco! Who did this?"

"M-my father." He answers, still looking away. He is shocked by how easily the truth escapes his lips.

"Is he going to come back soon?" Marco shakes his head in response, "Okay then, lets go!"

"Go? Go where?" the freckled asks, finally showing his confused face.

"I'm not leaving you here! I'm taking you to the hospital, you need someone competent enough to have look at you."

"No, no, no! I can't go to the hospital!" What if they suspected something?

"You can't just wait for him to come back! You might have some serious injury! Marco-"

"No, no hospitals!" the boy shouts over his friend, "I can't go to the hospital!" he repeats quietly, the desperation clear in his voice.

"Okay, no hospitals," Jean gives up, "but I'm taking you home. My parents aren't in the city, so it's just me. I will force you to come with me if I have to!" he adds quickly before Marco's had the chance to protest.

"Okay." The freckled agrees and Jean gives him a hand to stand up.

Neither of them says a word on the way. Jean doesn't know exactly what to ask. And Marco is fine with not talking at all. He wants to tell his friend everything, but he also doesn't.

They get to Jean's house and Marco sits down on the bed and only then does Jean decide to ask his questions, starting with the most important one, "Why did he…" Jean stops at that, not sure if he wants to continue.

Marco takes a deep breath and shoots the answer, "Because I told him that I'm gay." His voice doesn't show how nervous he really is. He is prepared to hear whatever it is that Jean is going to say on the matter.

"Oh. You are?" Marco nods affirmatively.

"He did this to you for that!" Jean can't believe that someone is capable to beat his son so badly just because he's gay.

"So you're fine with that?" That reminds Marco a bit too much about the conversation he had with Erwin.

"Yeah, of course I'm fine with that!" Jean makes a pause, "Does he do that often?" Marco nods again, "Does anyone know about it?"

"No."

"Marco, you need to tell someone! The police or... I don't know, you can't live like that!"

"No, I can! I've been living like that for seven years now, and I can go on living like that for as long as I have to!" Marco yells quickly, as he calms down he adds, "and you aren't gonna tell anyone either, right?"

Jean knows that he has no right to his friend's secret, and that means he can't share it with anyone. Of course, that doesn't mean that he's going to give up on convincing Marco to rethink, he just won't do it at the moment. For now he's going to focus on learning more about the matter, "Why?" he asks more calmly.

"Can I not talk about this right now, please?" Marco pleads.

"Yeah, sure." Jean doesn't push, "Lets take care of your injuries then. I'll go get some stuff to clean you up. I don't know if you've noticed but you're covered with blood."

"Really? Nooo!" Marco laughs. Jean really can make everything seem like a joke and the freckled loves that.

Jean returns with a first aid kit, a towel soaked with water and an ice pack. Marco's cheeks are reddening as his friend stops in front of him and takes his hand to have a look at it.

"You have some glass stuck in your hands. I'll have to take it out."

"That's okay, I can do it!" Marco protests.

"Oh, come on!" Jean stops at that, and just gets on with the work, "You can keep that ice to your face, while I'm doing that."

"Does it hurt?" Jean asks as he takes out the first piece very carefully.

"Just a little bit. It's more unpleasant than painful."

"The cuts need to be cleaned, right?" Jean has close to no clue about what he's supposed to do.

"Yeah, but I can do all that. I have quite a lot of practise after all." The atmosphere starts to tense again.

"Is that why you came bruised to school so often?"

"Yeah. You know, it used to be easy before, when nobody noticed me. I could probably come with my whole face covered with blood and nobody would've noticed," Marco smiles a humorless smile and then adds, "except for Levi… I don't know how he does it but he always notices when something's off. That's why I prefer to play it safe and not go to school when something like last night happens."

Jean waits for his friend to continue. Marco does no such thing and the other boy doesn't push again. When the cuts on Marco's hands have been cleaned and all the glasses taken out. Jean stands up to make a final inspection. That's when he notices the blood on the back of Marco's shirt. He sighs in annoyance, knowing that the freckled never would've told him that his back is injured not to bother him. "Take off your shirt, I have to look at your back too."

"What? No, I'm fine, really fine, no need!"

"Oh, come on, Marco. Stop acting like this. It's okay to let people help you sometimes, you know!"

Marco is not convinced, but Jean does not back of either, so the injured gives up in the end, "Okay," Jean knows pretty much everything he might be wanting to hide under his shirt and he has to find a way just to ignore his feelings towards his friend (that very thought hurts like someone's stabbed a knife in his heart), so maybe it's a good idea to practice it.

The freckled lifts his shirt. His condition is worse than Jean expected but he doesn't mention it, instead he gets on with checking up Marco's back which looks even worse because of the blood.

"Are you sure you don't have any serious injuries?" Jean asks as he takes out a piece from his friend's back. Marco winces but it's not because of the pain, Jean's hand on him is really making him anxious. Especially because of the way he is reacting to the touch. The boy's only hope is that Jean won't notice it. And, of course, Jean notices it…

_Shit! So that's how everything screws up… _Marco doesn't face his friend and just waits for some kind of response. Maybe he is going to be surprised and play it nice, or maybe he is just going to kick him out of the house.

When no reaction is coming from the other side, Marco turns around to see what's happening. When he does the only thing he can feel is Jean's lips on his own.


	6. Chapter 6

What had just happened?

Those past twenty-four hours are filled with events and emotions from both the opposite ends of the good day-bad day scale and it is starting to get a little too overwhelming for Marco. Not that he's complaining. Especially since now he and Jean are definitely on the good day end - lying together, wrapped in eachothers arms… naked.

As Marco considers the possibility of his chest exploding from happiness, Jean finally speaks up. "Marco, I need to confess," he says with all seriousness, "I might not be as straight as you thought."

"No shit," answers Marco through a grin that quickly turns into laughter. They both find it extremely funny how they've changed their roles for a while.

When the laughter fades away, Jean talks again, "Okay, but you have no idea how much I've been wanting this." At that, the freckled blushes so deeply that Jean could swear, even his freckles turn red.

"Yeah, me too, only I was pretty sure you were straight." A grin so big that probably even tank couldn't take down appears on their faces.

"Guess we are both good at making wrong assumptions."

"Mine wasn't an assumption," says Marco defensively, "You do know that you have a reputation of a very straight guy at school, right?"

"Yeah, I do… But those girls, they were just kinda what everyone expected me to do - my parents included. I mean… I enjoyed it, but it was in no way close to what just happened." The possibilities for an explosion to occur in that room, right now, just became higher.

"Your parents, did they, like, make you find a girlfriend?" Asks the freckled boy, trying to learn more about Jean's family life, if he is willing to share. Before he answers, Jean stands up to put on his clothes, and Marco follows. _Time to figure our shit out, then._

"Well, not really. But my father was always like 'when are you going to find a girlfriend', 'is there some girl in school you like', 'how come you don't like anyone, that's not possible.' In the end I went out with the first girl that I knew kinda fancied me just so I can make him happy, or actually - to make him stop with the questions. I really don't know how they're gonna react to that whole not-as-straight-as-you-thought surprise."

"Hope, it's better than my father's reaction," maybe Marco wants to talk about this now, "Not that I didn't expect it. It just wasn't so pleasant, you know... plus I wasn't ready to tell him."

"If you didn't tell him how did he learn then." asks Jean, starting with the lighter questions, with the hope that by the end of the conversation he'll know the reason why his friend is hiding the fact that he's been living with an abusive father, so that he can help him get away from the man later on.

The freckled explains about the day before his father learnt, talking about Erwin, and how good it had felt when the mechanic had said he's ok with Marco being gay. He _somehowforgets _to mention that the main topic of the day had been Jean and how in love Marco is with him, but he decides that it's not essential to the story.

"...I guess my father's friend, Mike, has overheard us. He works for him, but he'd come to Erwin for some parts, I think, I'm not sure… It doesn't really matter because he heard us talking and told my father."

"Marco, why haven't you told anyone about your father, don't you have anyone who can help?" asks Jean, already aiming for his goal. He wonders if Marco has any relatives at all - the boy never talks about his family, Jean can see why now.

"No, it's just me. Well, there's Erwin… But I don't need help, I'm fine like that." _Who am I fooling? Him or myself? _thinks Marco as he realizes how stupid it had been of him to plan how one day he'll leave the man, while at the same time defend him from everyone and everything.

"You're fine like that!? Marco, are you kidding me? You can't tell me that you plan on spending the rest of your life like that?" Jean is getting really fired up by now, "If you are afraid to give him up, or something, tell me! I'll do it for you! I can send a signal instead of you, but you can't keep on living with the bastard who beats his own son like that!"

"Don't say that, he's suffering, too, you know! His wife died!"

"Your mother?" Jean asks to make sure. He really doesn't know anything about Marco's family.

"Yeah," Marco answers, "He misses her a lot, he was never like that before."

"That's no excuse for him to hurt you, Marco. Please tell me you know that." Jean is so concerned that he won't be able to make Marco take some action. Who knows what that man is capable of doing?

"I know that there are probably better ways to deal with pain, but he doesn't know any of them. Plus he's constantly drunk - he's not himself. He's never hurt me on the rare occasions that he's sober. Of course, I didn't see all that when I was younger and I used to think I hate him for what he did, but now I understand him better, and I can't, I just can't… Sometimes I even think he's sorry for doing this to me. He'd never say it, but I think he is…

He's just so miserable, Jean, you don't know, I tried really hard not to see that, but it's not working for me all that well lately." _How was it ever working out for me? Honestly, how desperate must I've been to cling on the hope that I can go to some collage and leave him just like that, with the only thing to ease my guilt to be some money sent in an envelope. _

Marco never voices out his thoughts, but he explains to Jean how foolish he's been, "Before I had this dream… That I'll escape, I'll go to college with a scholarship and leave him, just like that. That's the only thing that kept me going, until recently at least… Since that camp, you have become my second reason for living, and when I started feeling more secure, my brain kinda just allowed me to admit the truth to myself and that is, that I never would've left the man in the first place."

"Why?"

"I told you, I don't hate him, and if there's some part of me that's left from the time I did, it's not nearly as big as it needs to be for me to do that to him. I can't leave him too. He wouldn't be able to take it, who knows what he would do…"

"But if he is convicted and goes to prison, he won't be able to do anything, not to you, not to other people, and not to himself," Jean finally says.

"How do you imagine me testifying against him?"

"I don't know, Marco… What I know is that, first, you need to get away from him, and second, however you decide to do that, I'm going help you, no matter how much you try and deny the fact that you don't need help."

Marco doesn't know what to say. Jean really cares about him, doesn't he? Saying all those things, offering his help. How would he just leave him like that because of the father that never stopped controlling his life? Really, when he thinks about, he can't remember the last time he's taken a decision without the man somehow being taken into consideration.

"I'm just so tired of all this…" All of that talking and arguing, it is sucking all of what's left of his power and that isn't much, considering that he hasn't slept or eaten anything in more than twenty-four hours.

"How much time do you think it's gonna take him to notice that you're not there?" asks Jean.

"I doubt he's going to come home in the next couple of days. He likes to disappear like that from time to time. He has a good reason to do so now, as well... Why?"

"Because I think it's time to take a break. I'll go and buy some food, and you can just stay here and take a nap or something." Jean thinks that Marco would want to rest a little bit, but the freckled insists on going with him, so they go for the food together.

When they go out, it's already dark outside and most nearby shops are closed. Jean takes them to the closest supermarket (which isn't close at all) and they buy whatever prepared food they can find. On the way back they pass through the same streets, but this time, there's something different on the way. There is a man leaning on the wall next to a bar. At the sight of him, Marco flinches and jumps to hide behind a confused Jean. The man is looking down at first, but the moment he raises his head, Jean understand what it is that scared his friend.

Marco's father looks very much alike his son, same face, just as tall, but different eyes. Jean tries to hide his friend without attracting any attention to them, but it's too late, Marco's reaction had already done it.

"Marco?" the man speaks and by the sound of his voice it's obvious that he's very drunk.

The boys keep on walking, hoping that if they don't react he will think he's just seeing things. But he does no such thing. Instead, he pushes himself off the wall and starts walking towards them, they speed, but he catches up to them and pulls Marco by the shirt.

"What are you doing here? Who's that? Is that… _him_?" Marco's never wanted to punch the man so much.

He does nothing, though, just glares at his father and wonders if there will ever be a time when he will be able to do something without imagining the man's reaction first.

Jean on the other hand, doesn't react as passively. He removes the older's hand from Marco and stands between the two of them.

At the moment Marco's not sure who's more stunned - he, or his father, "Jean what are you doing?" asks the freckled as he regains his speech.

"I'm not gonna let him hurt you anymore!" Jean looks so determined that the punch that follows and takes him down seems so unnatural to the moment. But there it is, it's happening, and Marco hurries to step in front of his father before he's got the chance to land another blow.

Jean stands up quickly, "That took me by surprise, but it's all the advantage you get." He says and raises his fists, ready to fight.

"No, don't," Marco yells, concerned that the man might hurt his friend more. He couldn't let that happen. He turns around to face his father and thinks of the first thing that will make him stop, "Father, lets go home… that's not _him…_ just, let's go." he tugs at the older's shirt to grab his attention. The man turns to face him and he's still angry but not as much as two seconds ago. Obviously Marco's lie that that wasn't _the _boy calms him down.

"Okay, lets go." he agrees and turns around to walk in the other direction, where he'd parked the car (driving while drunk isn't something unusual for him).

"Marco, I'll call the police," says Jean realizing that the bastard is getting away and he can't stop him.

The father turns around quickly, ready to beat the hell out of that boy, whoever he is, but he stops when his son speaks, "Please don't." it's meant for Jean.

Marco hopes that this is going to be enough because what else can he do? For a moment it seems like it might be, as they share an indescribable and yet reassuring look. But then the father notices that and quickly shoves Marco in the direction of the car. "Get inside, Marco! We'll talkat home." The boy gets in, and they drive away. Never sparing a glance to Jean, Marco leaves him helpless and confused.

What is he going to do now? Should he call the cops? But Marco doesn't want him to… But who knows what the man is going to do now? How much is he capable of hurting his son? Could he kill Marco? Jean isn't taking any chances.

They don't say a word on the way back to the house. Marco's mind is empty, too many things happened in the past hours, he can't fight for focus anymore. He lets the flow take him wherever it wishes to. Making himself care seems like a task so great.

They get in the house. Marco walks in first and heads directly to his room. The man doesn't stop him until halfway through the corridor, "What were you doing with that boy? Who is he, and why did he look so eager to protect you from me?"

He could lie, "Because I told him that you beat me." The boy is about to start walking to his room again when he gets no response, but his father stops him once more.

"And why would you do that?" the man is still keeping his cool, a formidable amount of control from him, considering the amount of spirit he must have in his blood.

"Because he asked."

"What did he say after that?"  
"He said that I should leave you."

"Will you?" interestingly enough the man's voice is just as calm as before while asking the last.

"Dunno." That is Marco's mistake (or is it really a mistake).

The man moves quickly and grabs his son by the neck, pushing him to the wall. He starts shouting something that Marco does not register.

He's just so tired… even his hands don't react, leaving the man to strangle him without any resistance. The only struggle he puts up is some gasping for breath, but that's only because he can't control what his body would naturally do in all situations. He is just so tired…

After some time - seconds or hours, he can't really tell - everything starts to go dark. His head and his whole body ache, and he's sure that soon he's going to completely black out. He's conscious enough to notice that there is something odd with the picture, though. He can hear some kind of yelling, but not from a person, it's a mechanical yell, and it's getting louder and louder with every second.

The last thing he remembers is feeling the weight around his neck disappear.

….

The first time, Marco walks up in an unfamiliar bed, in a room he doesn't know. He looks around and sees no one. He goes back to sleep.

The second time he wakes up, he is in the same bed, and in the same room. There's one difference, though, he's not alone this time. Jean is sitting on a chair beside him looking very much asleep. Marco shuffles around a little bit and tries to stand up, feeling dizzy from the action and realizing that it's hard for him to swallow. That's what brings the memories of the last time he was fully conscious back to him. So Jean had called the police in the end.

"Hey, Marco, you awake?" the sound of someone moving around has woken the other boy up.

"Yeah, you?" a little smile surfaces on the freckled's face.

"Yes. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I'm fine," Marco doesn't look all that fine at all. His eyes are wandering around the room, like he's looking for something, "How long have I been asleep for?"

"Two days. Not that much actually."

They keep up the small talk, avoiding any important theme like the plague. That is, of course, until Marco can't hold back anymore, "What happened with him?"

"He's arrested, there's going to be a trial. But he admitted, so..."

"He did?! Why would he do that?" that comes out of nowhere. Why would his father just give up like that? That doesn't make any sense.

Jean interrupts the other's thoughts, as a question that has been bothering him for quite a while surfaces in his mind, "Marco, are you mad at me for calling the police? I mean, I'm not sorry that I did, but are you mad at me?"

"No. Why did you call them, though?"

"Because I was afraid that he's going to kill you. And I was right."

"You were, weren't you…" Silence takes over for about ten minutes before Marco interrupts it, "I think I really was going to give up back then… It was all too much."

The words make Jean stiff. But he orders himself to relax and then even smiles, when he knows what he's going to say next, "You ready for some more?" he asks.

"Yeah, why not."

Marco is preparing himself to hear something else concerning his father, or something just as unpleasant, but no such thing comes as Jean speaks, "I love you." Jean takes a breath that Marco lets out, "And I really don't want you to give up."

Marco is stunned, afraid to believe. But not so much as to not be able to say the following words, "I love you too. And I wouldn't give up because of you."

They are just about to kiss, when a familiar crowd pours into the room. Marco looks at Jean ununderstanding, and his friend (or maybe his boyfriend - Gosh relationships are confusing!) explains quickly and quietly, "I told them you were here, but I haven't told them why, don't worry. You can choose if you want to tell them the truth or lie to them. But everyone was worried, and I thought you also might want to see them."

Marco thanks him. He really did want to see them. All of his friends there make him feel very happy, knowing that there are people who care about him, so happy that he forgets the reason why he knows that they do in the first place. That's why, when someone asks him why he's in a hospital, he explains everything, deciding that he's had enough of lying in his life.

…

The next couple of days pass by really fast. Marco is signed out of the hospital on the same day he wakes. Then things get really unpleasant. It's constant talking to lawyers, social workers, and even a psychiatrist, but he goes through it all. He has to live in an orphanage, but for now at least, he still goes to his own school, and he'll finish the year there, since there are less than two weeks left of it and they don't want to change his environment so greatly in such a short amount of time.

The news about what happened with him haven't reached the school, although the teachers are made aware of it. All of them start paying more attention to him now, mostly by sending him looks of pity. If they had been suspecting something going on in his life before, they've all chosen to ignore it, but now, they are all looking at him constantly but none of them brave enough to say anything, because, after all they are teachers and they're supposed to know what's going on with their students' lives. And let's face it, it was pretty damn obvious that there's something off with Marco's parents, or more so- with the lack of such.

The orphanage isn't so bad. Except that everybody is sad, and really different compared to Marco. Most of the kids have spent their whole lives there, and because of that they know very little of the world outside the walls of the facility. Also the groups there are much more defined and hard to break than they are at school. Everyone has their friends and sticks with them, accepting a new person in that group of friends is tough. But that's ok with him for as long as he is allowed to see Jean and his friends.

Okay, now - Jean. Jean and Marco are official dating and that's the only positive thing that is happening to him right now, but it's enough to outweigh all other things and leave Marco feeling great. Jean has been helping him through everything and because of that it's been a hundred times easier than it would've been without him. They don't really discuss the fact that they might not be able to see each other after school ends, or that the trial is going to be soon, and Marco is going to have to talk about all those years of loneliness and pain that he wants to deny excited. They just talk about the simple stuff. It's like a habit of theirs by now, but Jean is sure that this time if Marco really needs to talk about something, he'll do it - he promised so and Marco tends to keep his promises.

The morning of the trial Marco is working hard on opening his eyes in order to start a day that should've never come. When he finally succeeds, it takes him so much time to get ready that it should be some kind of a record. He is in no rush though, what's the worst that could happen, miss it? That would be a blessing.

He gets exactly on time.

After all he has taken the decision to testify against his father, it's just going to be really hard. He wanted to never do such a thing in the first place. And if he is, it isn't because he somehow magically changes his opinion on the man, or because he thinks he deserves a punishment, it's not even because he thinks that he can actually change in prison after sobering out (although he likes to believe that could happen). He is doing it because his father himself had pretty much said he wants him to.

He steps into the courtroom and it takes all his strength not to run away. He looks at his father during the whole time, but the man doesn't look back. He doesn't seem angry, just hurt. That makes it much harder for Marco - guilt panging through his heart with every word. When the trial is finally over, the boy is completely exhausted both emotionally and physically, so he thanks his friends who are there with him during the whole thing, and then goes directly back to the orphanage, hoping that he'll be able to find sleep. He falls dead asleep the moment his head touches the pillow.

There is only a week left of school, and Marco doesn't want it to end. He will be able to see Jean during the vacation but no too often, and when school starts it will be even harder. All that is making him so anxious. There is only one thing that makes him more anxious and that's the fact that Jean seems totally fine with it. He doesn't seem to be bothered by the fact that them two won't be able to see each other as often and the reason why that may be is most probably going to kill Marco.

Marco gets the real answer to his question two days before school ends. While doing his homework in the room that he shared with ten other boys, he is called by one of the ladies that works in the orphanage. When they get out of the room she tells him that people have come to adopt him. Marco's first reaction is to ask if it isn't some kind of a mistake, because there really aren't that many people that would adopt a sixteen year old boy, and it's not like he has any relatives left.

"You're Marco Bodt, right?" the lady asks, completely sure that she is not mistaken.

"Yeah, but…"

"The family said that they want to adopt just you. Come on, you'll see." she starts walking again and he just follows. She takes him to the room where he is to meet with the family and opens the door inviting him to go in.

"Hey, Marco," from inside comes the familiar voice of his friend Eren. He's sitting on one side of a table with Mikasa and two other people, who are probably their parents, "What's up?"

Marco sits on the other side of the table and greets all of the people in the room, not knowing what else to do. To say he is stunned would be an understatement.

Saving him from the situation, Eren's mother presents herself and her husband. Her voice is nice and sweet, she looks like a very kind woman. The father is smiling, too. They all just seem so nice. And Marco is yet again left wondering what he should say so he just goes with the polite, "Nice to meat you."

"So, I'm just gonna explain everything then," calls out Eren, "Marco, my parents, Mikasa and I would like you to join our family, if you want to." it all sounds very strange coming out of Eren's mouth, it isn't really his usual way of speaking, but then again, the matter is not a usual one, too.

After Marco doesn't respond with anything different than a stare, Eren's mother speaks again, "Would you like that, dear? We heard what happened to you and we thought that we should do something. We've also adopted before," she waves in Mikasa's direction. Marco didn't know Mikasa was adopted, "so it's going to be easier than usually - if you want that, of course. It's probably all very confusing to you, with all the things that have happened…"

"That-that's very nice of you. But are you sure you can…" Can what? Marco himself doesn't know exactly what he wants to ask. What if they didn't like him? What if they had some ideas about who he is and he disappointed them? And with all the things that are going on in his life, he isn't exactly in a very good emotional state right now.

"We are completely sure we can, dear. The only question is do _you _want that?"

"I do. I do want that, yes." Marco stutters out. Being adopted means that he won't have to stop seeing Jean, or Armin, or Annie, or anyone else - especially Eren and Mikasa. It would be so nice. He would even be apart of a normal family, like the one he used to have before…

When the memory of the years when his mother was alive, hits him, Marco starts crying. It's been a long time since the last time he cried. But he doesn't fight the tears, because for the first time in almost eight years, he is crying tears of joy.

The rest Marco doesn't remember all that well. He recalls someone saying that it will take some time for the the paperwork and all the other formal things to be finished, before he could go with the family, but that doesn't bother him one bit. He can wait, as long as he knows that there is something for him to look forward to.

The days before they adopt him go really slowly, but when Marco officially becomes a part of the Jaeger family, he sees that the wait is more than worth waiting for. His new family is so nice. They are already pretty close with Eren and Mikasa, so that makes everything much easier. But their parents are also so kind and they are putting extra effort in making him feel comfortable, (which makes him feel more uncomfortable, but that's just his problem and he knows it) and it's all too good to be true. But then things get even better when one night someone mentions Jean, and Marco remembers that his new parents don't really know about him being gay, which makes his stomach twist in a knot. That doesn't last for more than a second, though, because Eren's mother, wait - his mother, mentions that they all know about him and Jean and that they're totally fine with that. Relief washes through him immediately, and he feels good being accepted, yet again. This time, though, he is accepted by his family.

The rest of the summer vacation Marco spends with his friends, almost never leaving Jean's side. He couldn't be more happy. After all these years he has finally achieved his escape.


End file.
